Adult Children and Divorce
It has been recorded that in the age group of 18 to 40, approximately 40 percent of these adults come from broken homes. This group of adult children from divorced houses is termed as "Adult Children of Divorce" or "Adult Kids of Divorce." The acronyms for these terms are ACODs or AKODs.
Complications regarding Adult Children and Divorce
- When a divorced parent begins to date, they tend to do the following
- Reveal their date to the adult children
- Depend on the children for help and social advice
Several ACODs have reported that this sort of conversation with the divorced parents is very frustrating and discouraging
- The adult child's development and healing post-divorce is hampered by all of the following
- The parents tell the adult that "You're just like your father / mother"
- The parents utilize the adult to carry messages between one another
- The parents badmouth one another
- The parents look up to the adult as a confidant
The parents treat the children as supportive friends and thereby cross the healthy boundaries of the relation. The ACODs may get stressed due to the demands of the relation with the parents.
Assistance regarding Adult Children and Divorce
- In order to voice their experiences and feelings, ACODs can create websites and / or online support / discussion groups
- Counseling and psychotherapy
Recommendations for ACODs
- The adult child must believe that he / she would overcome the trauma of divorce. There must be a strong conviction that in life whenever there is a situation of grief and loss, the associated people undergo a phase of healing. This phase may be of different periods for different people. The ACOD must view this phase as a start of a new life that is instilled with the power that has originated by rising above adversity
- The AKOD must acknowledge the fact that the worst adversary is not the divorced parents but the expectations of the AKOD regarding these parents. It is advised that the adult children should remain grateful for the present situation. They must view the present through a lens not muddled by the past. The children should not yield to remembrances of the past life when they were together with the married parents
- It is of utmost importance that the adult child divulges the divorce of his / her parents to a person whom he / she trusts the most. This person may turn out to be a therapist / clergy / mentor / friend. As an illustration, when an adult girl confided to her husband, her husband told her that she was not alone. Both of them were together when it came to overcoming her parent's divorce. The husband made her understand that because her parents divorced, this does not mean her life would progress in a similar manner
- The adult child should never side with any one parent. This leaves him in a no-win condition due to the following
- The adult has to decide which parent he / she loves the most
- The adult has to deal with the pain imposed over the shunned parent
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