Grandparents Divorce

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The reaction of the grandchildren to the divorce of their grandparents depends on how close their relation with the grandparents was. In several cases, the grandparents and grandchildren live in the same home. Consequently, the grandchildren might suffer from loss of appetite or a temporary depression after divorce. It is very vital that the individuals around the children validate these feelings and have a positive and active outlook towards the children.

Discussion with children regarding Grandparents Divorce

A grandparent must inform the children regarding his/her divorce. This discussion must have the following gist.

"Grandma/Grandpa and I have concluded that we would not reside with each other, but separately. This decision is nobody's fault. Both of us love you tremendously and both would continue to be your grandparents. Just like before, you are free to call anyone of us at any time you feel it is necessary."

It has been observed that the grandchildren become anxious whether they would lose one or both the grandparents due to the divorce. Irrespective of whether the children initiate this topic, the grandparent should answer this query. For this it is essential to speak out the essence of one of the following two statements, whichever is the truth.

"You would spend time with both of us as before, but we would not be with you at the same time."

"Grandma/Grandpa is leaving our house and hence, you would see her/him for a lesser duration than before. Despite this, both you and I would continue to do all the things we did before."

As per the previous experiences, children usually ask the following questions to the grandparents.

• Why are both of you getting divorced?
• What does your divorce mean to me?
• In the future, will dad and mum also get divorced?

Tips regarding Grandparents Divorce

• A grandchild might ask his grandparent if the grandparent is sad. Then, the grandparent must acknowledge the truth, but should not express anger or bitterness. If it not possible for the grandparent to keep a check on his/her emotions, this grandparent must permit his/her son/daughter to oversee the discussion

• The grandparent must remember that after the divorce his/her ex-spouse is still the parent of his/her son/daughter and the grandparent of the children. So, the grandparent must aim to preserve these relationships by not permitting any negativity to creep in

• Older grandchildren might ask the grandparent whether the other grandparent would have any new relationship. The grandparent, who has been asked this question, should react in an honest and candid manner. This grandparent may not be comfortable while discussing the details of this relationship. So, he/she need not dwell on these details.

• When a grandparent is talking with the grandchild regarding the divorce, if he/she ensures that the children's parents are in the room, then this step results in the following
  • The child gets an impression of family solidarity
  • The children's parents might help the grandparent to answer some of the children's queries

• The grandparent must never tell the children that their life would not be changed by the divorce. Children can detect if the grandparent is being dishonest with them and this results in a loss of faith

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